Why Does My Waitress Smell?

Sorry I missed a day everybody but I injured my back with one of those brutal machines at the gym. I took a few pain killers on an empty stomach. If I had blogged during that time my rantings probably would have been even more confusing than ever.

The other day I spent a little time with my dog before leaving to meet some people for lunch. I noticed that while doing so that my pants were wrinkled so I decided to iron them. I took them off and stood at the ironing bored. I took my glasses off while I ironed so that they would not fog up. I started to smell something and could not figure it out. I thought the dog farted or better yet I did and I was getting too old to know that I had. Anyway, I finished ironing and got dressed and out the door I went.

I was first to the resturant so I sat down and waited in the lobby. While I was waiting I started to smell the same smell and thought OMG I am getting old and I've done it again. Well my friends showed up and we were seated. I started looking at other people's food around us to see what could possibly be so foul. It was not overwhelming, but just a wofting smell occassionally. Then my friends started smelling it so I excused myself to the restroom to see if I had stepped in doog poop. Ok, clear...it was not that. A true nightmare had it been true. I would have left that scent everywhere including my car. A smudge here and a smudge there. An ultimate horror story. I found myself thinking I was the object of some bowel conspiracy and I was to be the last to know. When I got to the table my friends told me the smell had stopped. I am just glad that they are not smart enough to put two and two together. After about 5 minutes they started smelling it again. They started blaiming our waitress and I chimed in. Anything to take the attention off me.

About 15 minutes later I had an ephinay...I looked at my pants, with my glasses on and relized that I had ironed over dog hair. I had burned dog hair onto my pants. I might as well have set the dog on fire then roll around on it. The more that I touched my pants or moved around, the more I created a scratch and sniff of dog fire.